For the firstborn child, the arrival of a baby brother or sister is sure to arouse mixed feelings. Along with all the excitement, suddenly someone is sharing the attention and love that the firstborn used to have all alone.

A lot of things change when you bring a new baby home. The biggest change is that the baby needs so much of your attention. That time can be really hard for older children. It can seem as if their parents do not love them as much. Then children can get angry or become babyish. That is not because they are “bad.” It is hard to share the people we love.

You have lots of changes to deal with, too. You may get less sleep. You have more to do. When you are tired, it is harder to be kind and patient with an older child. And it can really hurt when your older child gets angry at the new baby or at you.

It takes a long time for love to grow between brothers and sisters. You can help that love grow when you let your children know that each one has a special place in the family – a place that no one else can ever take.

Helpful Hints: New Baby

Help your child know that new babies cannot do too much.

When children know what to expect, they can manage better.

Talk about what new babies are like:

• they sleep a lot;
• they do not play games or talk yet;
• they cry a lot;
• grownups have to do everything for them.

Look at baby pictures of your older child. Talk about when he or she was a new baby. Children like to hear stories about when they were babies.

Let your child know how much you like having a big child, too.

When there is a new baby, older children may act babyish. They may talk babytalk, or drink from a bottle or wet their pants. That can be a way to say, “I wish I was the baby. Babies get all the attention around here.”

Talk about the many ways your child is growing. Tell your child how proud you are of the things he or she can do – even simple things, like being able to:

• go for a walk;
• share a special treat;
• use words to talk about feelings;
• play and pretend;
• help others.

Give your child little ways to help with the baby.

When children help, they feel special and needed. Find ways your child can help:

• sing or talk to the baby;
• get the diapers;
• play peek-a-boo with the baby.

Let children know how important they are to the baby. Talk about times when the baby stopped crying or laughed because of something they did.

Spend time with your older child.

Caring for the baby takes a lot of your time and attention. Older children may feel you do not love them as much as you did before the baby was born.

Do something together that is fun for you and your child, like:

• read a book;
• have a meal or snack together;
• play a game…just the two of you.

Even little bits of your attention can help your child feel loved. That can happen when the baby naps, just before bedtime, or even when you put on a shoe.

It is ok to have lots of feelings about the baby.

Children can have many feelings about the new baby. They may be happy. They may also be sad and angry. At times, it is normal for everyone to have some sad or angry feelings about the new baby.

Let your child know it is ok to be upset about a new baby, but it is never ok to hurt the baby.

Help your child work through some feelings about the baby by:

• Talking - You might ask, “What things are hard for you now that we have a baby?” Reading children’s books about new babies can help you talk about feelings.
  
  
• Playing - When children play about taking care of dolls or stuffed animals, they can work out all kinds of feelings – even their angry feelings – on the toy, not on the baby. For some children, it helps to draw pictures and make up stories.

It can take several months for your child to get used to the baby. Be sure to give extra hugs and loving words to help your child through those hard times.